you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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