"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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