three words: i give head
three words: not that well
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
