I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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