if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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