i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
