I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
