He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
