Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
