I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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