and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
