Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
