Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
