just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
