I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
