Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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