so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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