When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
