I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
