it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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