I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
