i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
