As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
