at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
sex in a hospital.. check
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
