My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
