I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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