You can't motorboat a personality
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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