no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
