haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
