your thong is hanging out like whoa
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
