yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Randomize
