So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
