That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
