We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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