how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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