Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
