I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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