census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
