so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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