get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Im part way to drunk.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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