I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
