Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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