Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
