the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
