So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
oh god the rape fog is back!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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