in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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