The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
