Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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