Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
