Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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